Dark energy, feeling down, all alone, trapped and controlled.
What is it? Is it our negative energy? Our projection? Our subconscious? Energies of others souls? Energies in this dimension? In other dimensions?
I am a very sensitive person, which has its pros and cons, and one of the cons is that I absorb and soak in pretty much everything around me. From people’s moods, feelings, energies from spirits or the dark attachments of others. I attach these multitudes of energies to me, to my spirit, my soul, and on some days, can’t seem to shake them. However I wasn’t always aware of this.
I didn’t always know that the lows I felt and sadness or joy and excitement were energy. That everything is energy. I wasn’t always aware of how much energy was out there and how much I absorbed. Well, not until recently.
All my life I fought being sensitive. Figured it was some sort of defect and that someone somewhere could cure me of this. Maybe by going to a 9-5 job and doing what others direct me to do will help me fit in or give me a purpose. Maybe if I blocked it with drugs and alcohol, this sensitivity wouldn’t plague me. Anything to cling onto to ride out of these waves of overwhelm and fear.
To make it worse, if anyone even mentioned I was sensitive, I took that to mean I was weak, not worthy, or somehow defective.
What if this wasn’t a bad thing, what if my sensitivity could be used to my advantage?
What if I could view this as a gift and not a curse?What if it could actually help facilitate me on this life journey on earth instead of stifle me?
Then one day, after an intuitive reading with my longtime advisor and medium, Adela Lavine, she said, “You’re a free spirit, and your path is the spiritual path.” Really all I heard at that time was the free spirit part, and of course I had been fighting that my whole life — until this day. This day it freed and resonated with me on a level deeper than could be described.
I could literally feel my spirit lift from my body and start dancing, free and wild with no worries about what others thought or if it was right or wrong, embracing how it felt to be free again.
No worries about work, this world, and all the negative and dark energies that tried to hold me down my whole life. No, just freedom!
“Bondage of the soul is death
freedom of the soul is liberation…” ~ Swami Vishnudevananda
As my path started to evolve, I found myself in one of Adela’s intuitive classes, and from the moment I took that journey, my life has never been the same. The first class, we were taken to the veil. Where spirit can find us, speak with us and dance with us! That is exactly what I did. I danced with my spirit mom, and I could see her, feel her and the excitement between us was immeasurable.
We couldn’t believe that we were in the same plain together, and that this was actually happening. We hugged, we cried, we danced some more.
My sight opened up that day. I never ever thought that my sensitivity had anything to do with my intuition or that it could help me with my life, my family, my path, Yoga, everything!
After many months of teachings/trainings, with Yoga included, my sight just opened more and more. With this huge gift added to my life also came a con. The sensitivity grew, and my absorption of others’ energies and spirit energies around me grew. More awareness brings more responsibility.
The energy (or energies) can get so big and intense sometimes that I feel like I’m drowning or that I’m being suffocated.
Imagine being on a crowded street in New York on New Year’s Eve but you can’t see the people. Imagine your friend thinks a negative thought about you across the country and you can feel it. In the midst of having a good day, you shift from enjoying your coffee to feeling angry, sad or scared for seemingly no reason. Like everything, there are pros and cons.
One of the many pros of this is now I know that I am sensitive and that I will feel more energy than most. I have tools and insight in order to help me realize what’s happening and, if needed, block it and protect myself. The con is that I must be aware of it at all times; I can rest on my laurels, as they say, and think it won’t affect me because it will, it always will.
As my life and sight continue to grow, change, and evolve, I’m left sometimes feeling stuck or confused. I’ve arrived into a whole new world. A world of energy. A world I never knew before. I feel like a newborn baby, experiencing myself and others from a new perspective.
The spiritual path comes with many bumps, many losses, many new discoveries and changes, but even with all this struggle, I no longer feel alone. I have a clan now. A clan of loving and helpful light guides, spirits and friends just like me.
What a gift. The gift of freedom, the gift of sight, of never feeling alone, never being alone and the knowing that all things are energy and that all is one.